Leadership Lessons from Confucius: a healthy relationship

Confucius said to his son Boyu: “Have you studied the first and the second parts of the Book of Songs? Anyone who has not studied the first and second parts of the Book of Songs will remain stuck as if standing with their face to a wall.”
子謂伯魚曰：「女為周南召南矣乎？人而不為周南，召南，其猶正牆面而立也與？」

The best way to teach your children how to conduct a healthy relationship is through the power of your own example. If you and your partner barely show any affection to each other in the home, do not be surprised if your children exhibit the same kind of behavior when they start seeing other people. While manuals and how-to-guides have their place, they are no substitute for growing up in a happy and loving home.

Notes

This article features a translation of Chapter 10 of Book 17 of the Analects of Confucius. You can read my full translation of Book 17 here.

(1) The first two parts of the Book of Songs (周南/zhōunán) and (召南/zhàonán) that Confucius refers to concern the development of an affectionate relationship between a husband and wife. Some commentators speculate therefore that one of the main reasons why Confucius recommends these to his son Boyu is because he is about to embark on marriage and a family life.

(2) Confucius is said to have had a rocky relationship with his own wife Qiguan (亓官) that according to some sources led to a divorce in 510 BCE. Even if the couple never officially parted company, Confucius spent a remarkable amount of time away from his family during his lifetime, including fourteen years in exile after he left his home state of Lu in 497 BCE. Perhaps he felt it better for his son to learn his marriage lessons from the Book of Songs than his own example.

I took this image in the Four Beasts Scenic Area in Taipei.